Time to get this back up and running

Wait around to see waht has been happening in the Sanderosn house hold.

Time....where oh where have you gone

This summer sure went by without us even knowing that it was even around. I started a dayhome and had 2 kids over the summer, however their mom was laid off so I am back to looking for more kids to watch. We were able to go camping one weekend this summer but then life got busy and we didn't have a chance to go again. I got season's passes for Calaway Park this year and we went a few times. Well worth the money spent so that is a definate must next year too. We had Brooke for the summer and she decided that she wanted to live with us permanately so we have a new addition to our family which we are all extactic about. However we are all adjusting to having a teenager living in the house. But things are getting easier and easier for all of us. Michaela had the hardest time adjusting becasue she was used to being the oldest and now she's not. She even told Brooke. "I used to be the oldest and you took that away from me". But even with that she's getting used to the idea. They are all growing up so fast. Sean is teaching Brooke how to drive. She's excited about getting her learners. The first time she went driving she was lucky enough to be able to follow a baby moose. Freaked her out a bit but Sean was able to teach her what to do and how to keep calm. The kids started school the end of August and they sure are loving it. Michaela and Logan are in French Immersion at Ecole Edwards and loving it. Michaela's in grade one and has Mme Trout and is first to say " NO she's NOT a fish". Logan has Mme Astrom and even though he won't admit it he likes her. You can tell by the sly look on his face. Michaela is already writting a lot of french and Logan is learning to speak it. It is amazing to see how much they've learnt so early in the year. Brooke is in grade 10 yes that's right we have a high schooler in our house. She was nervous at first but she's made a bunch of new friends. She's enjoying most of her classes and she really has a talent for art (much like her father). . We did family pictures this year. I was able to get Sean to take a few pictures with us, and for those that know Sean know how big of an accomplishment that really is. He HATES his picture taken.
Michaela had her 6th birthday this year abd she wanted to go to Calaway Park so she got to invite a friend and we went to Calaway Park. The kids had a ton of fun on the rides and the Park was all decked out for Halloween. I have been working out like a mad woman. I have completed P90X twice and am one week shy of completing Insanity. Now I have to figure out what I am going to do next. Maybe a combination of the 2. I have noticed big results and have started just recently to feel better about myself. I know there has been more but for now that is the important stuff

Ghosts.....

Here's a thought for you.

If you were to be privliged enough to have the ghosts of you past present and future visit you I wonder what your thoughts would be.

Would you have any regrets with decisions that you made in the past?

Would you love the life that you are living in the present and are you living it to its fullest?

What things would you change in you present to make you future better?

But most importantly would you make ammends for past mistakes, live life like you enjoy it and have the courage enough to make changes to make your future what you dreamn it would be?

Clarification.....

Just to be fair to Sean, I just thought that I should clear something up. Yes, I wish that he wasn't going down this road, I think that this is something that he has to do to get to where he needs to be. A little off the straight and narrow but still leads there in a round about way. The biggest problem that I have is that I wish I didn't have such an issue with it and really I don't know why I do. I let it consume me and it really shouldn't because in the grand scheme of things it really is a minute detail. He comes home to me every night, loves me, takes care of me, tries to never deny me anything (will always try to find a way to make things happen), works his butt off to provide for the family, I have fun with him and we have fun together, we laugh together, talk about anything and everything. He is the biggest and best part of my life. So for some people his issues would be the end of things but for me it is just another challenge to help me be a stronger person.

I am disappointed in his choices not in him.

Queries....

Michaela was invited to a birthday party for a girl in her class. They had it at Airdrie Edge Gymnastics club, looked like a ton of fun. The little girl that it was for asked for no presents, but a small donation for the Red Cross to send to Haiti. Now I thought that was really sweet. But my question is...how much of that is HER and how much of that is Parental influence? How many 6 year olds do YOU know that think like that? I know that there are a few here and there and you hear about them from time to time but really it IS a rarity. How much would YOU influnece your kids to do something like that? What would YOU promise your child they would get if they did this? How much of it is just fro show and how much of it is genuine? These questions are among some of the ones that have been going thru my head since Micha got the invite for this party. What are YOUR thoughts?

A little This and That

I have been afraid to write for awhile as many people I know have been verbally "attacked" by a cowardly annonymus commentor on their blog. I say that if you don't have the guts or balls to leave your name then you don't deserve to comment.

- Anyway I have been having a rough go these past few months wondering if motherhood really IS the best job there is. It definately is the HARDEST. But lately my kids have been giving me a run for my money. Love'em to bits but sometimes I wish i could really just get away from it all.

- I have been having a hard time dealing some choices that Sean has been making. It is tough when the love of your life, best friend etc.is making bad choices. Hard when you know the true person they are and they try to be someone different. Hard when they think the person they are "showing" the world is the real them and you know different. Hard to know they still believe and have a testimony, but hide it. Hard because our arguements are always the same. I wish that I could really make him see how I feel about it instead of having the same arguement all the time. I just don't know what it would take to do it. I want him to stop drinking partly because it upsets me but mostly beacuse he is a diabetic and SHOULDN'T be drinking PERIOD. I love him and want to keep him around for a long time.

- I have been working out like a mad woman,, doing the P90X challenge, so I should be getting buff here in a few weeks. This time around is my second go at it. The first time I did the lean routine and lost a bunch of inches, so after a few attempts at starting it again I am now commited to doing the classic routine. I am looking forward to seeing awesome resluts. I may even go as far as posting before and after pics, that is if I am brave enough.

- Micha is LOVING french emmersion and I am looking forward to enrolling Logan in the same school on Monday. The cut off here is Feb so he, being a Dec baby will be one of the youngest in his class, but he is SO ready for it. Should prove to be interesting. I just hope that I am lucky enough to be able to enroll him in the AM class.

that's it for now I will fill you in on more happenings later when I am not so tired and worn out.

So far this summer...

There really hasn't been much going on in the life of the Sandersons this summer.

Hunter is growing like a weed. He is my biggest baby...which really isn't saying much as all my babies have been small. But he is reaching those milestones at an earlier age than the other 2. I thought that Micha was early but Hunter beat her by 2 week with crawling, 2 months for the teeth and 1 month for starting to climb those stairs. He is trying to wrestle with Micha and Lolo and it is really cute to watch him interact with them. He sure feels as if he has a lot to prove being the baby of the family.

He had his MRI a couple weeks ago and the results are in. First let me tell you that it was not a fun experience holding him when they were giving him the gas to put him under and an even more unpleasant experience to lift his lifeless body and carry him from my lap on the chair to the bed, and then to have to leave him there. Yes folks I was a weepy mess.

But on to the results they said that there is nothing nuerologically wrong with him so that is a good thing, but I have an appointment scheduled with his pediatrician anyways to see if there is another reaason for the abnormality and if there is something that can be done about it. Oh and I am also going to get his hearing tested. Sean thinks that I am worried about nothing, but his responses to sound are so unconsistent that I am concerned, but like I tell him, I would rather be concerned and it turn out to be nothing, that not worried and it be something.


Oh and he is still pukey so I think that it is time to call a chiropractor and see of there is something that they can do to help. I can tell where Hunter has been in the house by the trails of puke that I find. So I thought that it is worth a try for sure.

We got new neighbours on either side of us. So far I have only seen each them once and both seem to totally keep to themselves.

Here are some photos of Hunter that I thought that you would enjoy.

A big surprise

THANK YOU!!!!!!!

That is really all that can be said. i don't even know who I am thanking.

I went to the mailbox the other day and was greated by a small but thick envelope with only a happy face as a return address. I opened said "package" and was immediately in tears as someone sent us a mass quantity of Superstore gift cards with just a simple note saying that they hope that it helps. I have to say that it did a great deal as I only had enough money to get the kids milk and bread and maybe some eggs to make cookies later. But someone noticed something or just knows how hard it is when the one parent that brings in all the money is going to school and knows that EI doesn't pay all that much.

So to that person I am very grateful for their generousity and comapssion.

Milestones reached....

So my last post brought to an end my babysitting sharing. Although it was alot of work I enjoyed it for the most part. But I am now enjoying the time that I get to spend with my kids and actually get out and do things as with 6 kids I was stuck at the house because our truck barely fits 3 kids let alone 6. I think that was part of my problem I felt stuck at home with no place to go. But now we all can do things like we did last year and have fun together.

Anyways that is no the reason for this post, I am posting because I am in awe of my little Hunter. He is now 6 months old and already crawling and boy can he move. He sure knows what he wants and works to get it. There is no stopping him. I think that this attitude will serve him well in his life. Oh and he has cut his first tooth and his second one is not far behind. So we are going to be having a couple more sleepless nights I think. Although he is still not sleeping thru the night so it really hasn't made a difference in his sleeping pattern.

Micha is now back to her happy go lucky self. Still trying to do things that she thinks that she can, and not listening ALL the time, but it is a far cry better than her attitude ahs been. I think that she just needed our dynamics to go back to normal. I think that she missed the one on one time that she got from me.

Lolo is his loving self and fighting with his sister, but nothing out of the ordinary.

I am glad that things are back to normal around here and my kids are back to their old selfs. They miss G and C and I have to admit that there are days that I miss them too. Sometimes I miss C's constant questions and him asking "Tara are you happy with me?" I have to admit that most times I was and I feel blessed that I was given the chance to watch some amazing kids.

I am also glad that all the mishaps that went on the last week did not interfere with an amazing friend as I don't have many of them and value the ones that I do have and appreciate all that she has done for me in watching my kids and being there with a listening ear.

Don't know what else can go wrong.....

A friend of mine and I have been trading off babysitting duties for a few months now and for the most part it has been going pretty good. I get 2 whole days to work, catch up on cleaning and do anything else that I want with only Hunter tagging along for now. That means that I have 2 days with 6 kids running around here and most times having fun.
Lately, however, it has not been going as smoothly as it has in the past. 2 weeks ago her son, who is the same age as Lolo, was caught sticking things up his bum. Yep that's right folks he was sticking our toys up his bum and laughing about it. I know that he thought that it was funny, but I wasn't laughin at the moment. It's kinda funny now, but that's because I am now finished sanatizing the toys. The next day he had a few accidents in his pants (after I asked him if he needed to use the washroom) so that was some more fun. Then came Monday, he bent my baby swing frame so now Hunter can't swing in it anymore. Tuesday was a good day he was really making an effort to behave himself. But that brings us to Wednesday....My bedroom is a no kid zone when all the kids are here and they know that rule and usually obey it. Wednesday, however, Lolo and C went into my room to play and got locked in C's sister G let them out and I told them not to go in it again, but they did and got stuck yet again. But this time instead of asking for help they pushed my door beyond it's frame (as it is a pull door from the inside and not a push door). But anyways off it came from it's hinges. So we had to go out and buy a new door.
Now that brings me to Thursday....and I am glad that they were at my friend K's house and not mine as Lolo and C were fighting over who got to watch the TV and off it came from the swivel that held in on the wall and down it went. Now K has no TV. I must say that she handled it a whole lot better than I would have. Maybe that's because it would have been another thing on my list of broken things at my house. But The kids went to ben with out dinner and that was the start of my night frome hell..but that's another post.
Now here we are on Friday and I really hope that nothing else goes wrong as I don't know it I can take any more mishaps at my house or K's.

What type of mom are you?

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I don't know if I am ready for this.....

Last night I went to the parents orientation for Michaela's kindergarten. I am not sure if I am ready to let her grow up any more. She is my first and I know that it is going to be tough on me when I see her go to school. I know that she is ready for it. I just hope that I can catch up to her. She's running ahead and I am trying to keep her right where she is. I can't believe how fast time has flown and now she is ready to start putting her fingerprint in the real world and I don't know if I can handle it.

I put her into french immersion and I am excited that she will be learning a secong (well third) language (as she already is learning sign language).

I guess that I have a few months to be as ready as she is to head off for school I just can't but wonder if it gets any easier.

100th post. Humph..didn't think that it would take THIS long

A couple weeks ago I took B, M, L and H to see the Hannah Montana movie and now I have "Hoedown Throwdown" stuck in my head. Boom Boom Clap. Boomdi clapdi clap..... It has been running in my head for weeks now. But I thought that it was a cute movie and one that M will certainly want to get, maybe for her birthday.

There are certain movies that are a MUST SEE for me. One thing that these movies MUST have to peak my interest are one of the following actors..Julia Roberts, Renee Zelwegger, and Jennifer Garner. If any of these women are in it I am all about standing in line to see the movie. So luckily a movie came out with Jennifer Garner the day before my birthday and again luckily I got to take Sean with me. It is the only day of the year that I get to talk Sean into seeing a chick flick with me and he is not allowed to complain about it.

So we went to see "Ghosts of Girlfriends Past" I thought that it was a cute movie that was a neat take on the Charles Dickens Christmas Carol and they even spoofed that near the end of the movie. There was no swearing as I recall but it did have it's fair share of sexual inuendo. But if that kind of thing doesn't offend you I reccomend that you see this movie. It is a lighthearted fun movie and one that is perfect for a night out with the girls.

Life goes on

Tax season is coming to an end so that means that I don't have to spend so much time in front of the computer with my head buried and nose to the grindstone. I am going back to my old work routine and more fun time spent with the kids. I just hope that the weather changes here soon so that we can get out and enjoy some time together. I feel lucky that the weather has been awful lately as I have been stuck inside working. So I haven't felt like I have missed much.

I took the kids to Northland Village to see "Miss Spider's Sunny Patch". What and experince that was. It felt that there were millions of peole crammed into a couple of square feet of space. But the kids loved it and had fun dancing and singing with Miss Spider. So I guess every once in a while it's worth my discomfort be give them an experience like that.

I was thinking of taking Lolo to Thomas who is rolling into Heritage Park on my birthday, but it is just too much money and I don't even know if that price gets you into the park. And really they don't get much for the money that parents are expected to dole out for this experience. I guess he won't care cause I am not telling him.

My birthday is coming up and I still have no idea what Sean is going to do or IF he is doing anything at all.

Sean is going to be in school here again May 4 for another couple of months. So I am stressed to the max about money as there will be none for 2 months. Well there is EI..but that really doesn't count.

Rumours

I know a little about them and the effect that they have on people.

Six years ago when I started dating Sean....well let me start farther back. In High School, Sean had this one friend and the 2 of them were pretty inseperable. Now let's fast forward a few years, this friend got married and the twosome became a threesome. All of a sudden things change...normal right? One would think. This couple tried to keep Sean down..ok that's my opinion, but judging from what they did I would say this is a valid opinion.

Ok back to 6 years ago, Sean and I started dating and this couple started spreading rumours about me and how I was doing all these things to Sean and was stopping him from having a relationship with his daughter. Well, Sean didn't listen to them and asked me to marry him, the rumours then got worse and all of a sudden I was no good for him and he should call off his wedding because I was wrecking his relationship with his daughter. According to this couple (now remember they were good "friends" and I thought one was a friend of mine)I had forced him (now if you know Sean you know how riduculous that is since no one can force him to do anything)to do a bunch of things (I won't go into detail as that is not my point in this post).
The wedding day came closer and these "friends" choose to be somewhere else then at the wedding of a very good friend. Which was fine by me since after all that was said about me I really didn't want them there anyway. But it wasn't just about me it was about Sean too and he wanted them there, so for him I was upset by that.
Their friendship was never the same after that and then all of a sudden it seemed to end I never knew why at the time, and have since come to find out (from Sean) why it ended. I won't go into detail about it but the couple started spreading rumours about Sean and something that he supposedly did, but like I said if you KNOW Sean you would know how outrageous that accusation is.
Now my point is that the talk has since died down, but the effect that it has had on Sean is long lasting. He still is upset about it today and I know that he wishes that it never happened. But since we can't go back in time we have to live with the far reaching effects of such hurtful talk.
This action has not just hurt one friendship, it has ended a few others because these other "friends" choose to believe this other "friend" instead of having the nerve to go to Sean and find out what really happened form his mouth and not the rumours that were going around.

Now to the real point of all that....I have an old friend who is going thru something right now. I don't know much of the details, but it is not my place to judge or say things out of turn. If I were to have any questions about what is going on then my responsibility is to ask her about it and not listen to what is being said by other. Isn't that what friendship is all about anyway...being responsible for our actions and not saying things that hurt and destroy?
Rumours hurt and destroy friendships and no matter what people do later, you may just not be able to repair that damage.

Friendship

For the last little while I have been thinking about friendship and the kinds of friends that I have in my life right now. There are 2 people that I have in my life that are 2 polar oppisites when it comes to being a true friend.

One has been going thru one of the toughest times that a mom of 3 can go thru. She is going thru a divorce and for the first few months of it was homeless as her husband technically kick her and the kids out of the house. Even with nowhere to go and moving from house to house for months she made time for her friends and we (I) made time for her. Now with her life heading back in the direction of calm she is still making the time for her friends. She just didn't rely on them for the hard times she relies on the during the good times too. I envy her strength and determination and the fact that in the face of utter desperation she kept her head high and knew that in the end she and her children would be better off. They have grown as a family unit and she is a stronger person for all that she has endured.

I have/had this other friend that says that she is going thru a tough time in her life although I wouldn't know as she has not talked to me in about a year. there has been the odd time that we have talked. She came to see me in the hospital and a monthe later we went for dinner, but in the mean time and in between time she has not called or talked to me at all. I used to call her all the time and finally got tired of being the one that always called or wwent out of my way to talk to her. I used to go talk to her at church in the library. A couple of weeks ago during R/S I was sitting with my SIL and sister and one chair down form me sat my "friend" she totally and completely ignored me and I got to thinking that she usually does and it has been me that goes to talk to her. I wonder what I did that ticked her off so much that she feels that ignoring me is the answer. I have noticed that she talks and does things with other people so it must be that I did something to make her feel that I am not even worth the time or effort to talk to anymore. I have been debating whether or not I should talk to her about it and lay it all on the line. Most people I have tlak to about it think that I need to "clear the air" as it were as I have nothing to lose.

I guess I was just thinking that there are the true friends that don't push people aside in their tough times. Then there are those "friends" that may just use the excuse that they are going thru a rough patch to exit a friendship.

I am really glad for the true friends that make me feel good about myslef and even in their times of need they still make the time to find out what is going in the life of their friends.

I think that we all need to take the time to thank those people in our lives who we have the pleasure of calling our friends.

So thank you to all my friends that I am glad that also call me friend. You all know who you are and you all mean a lot to me and I am glad that I have you in my life.

Concerns

I have been noticing some things in Michaela's behaviour that makes me wonder if there is something that is amiss in her lately. She has always had a really hard time with change whether that be a new class, a new teacher, new students in her class or even if we change activities. These have always been hard adjustments for her but lately there ahve been other things that she has been doing that make me wonder. For instance she has been taking he clothes out of her drawers and laying them down in rows on her floor. Her underwear, socks all neatly laid out in rows and she haas also been pairing her pants with her shirts and laying them on the floor in a row too. Then there is the stuffed animals that have certain ends of the bend and pillows that they sleep on. If I am to move any of these things a temper tamtrum ensues. She is the one that has to put them away, but out they come the next day, it is almost ritualistic.
Now I am not sure if this act is just her needing to have control over something in her life or if it is something else entirely, like OCD. Now I have been thinking OCD because it is closely linked to ADHD (for those who don't know, her dad is ADHD) and I wonder if this is how it is manifesting itself in her. There is also a possibility that I am worried about nothing, but I would rather know now before she goes into kindergarten in September. I would rather her be diagnosed with OCD rather than labelled as a problem child because of her reactions to things that happen to her.

On another note, Hunter doesn't go for his MRI until June 30 quite a long wait, but at least he will be a little older and able to deal with the sedation better.

Sean is still not going to church and I don't know how to get him back. He blames the members for their lack of caring and says they are hypocritical. Other than supporting him right now so he knows that I love him and want him to be happy I don't know what to do about it all. I feel that if he knows that I love him and want him to come back than he will realize that he wants it too. He says he knows what he is doing isn't right, but he still knows the church is true, but right now is angry at the people and doesn't want to step inside the building right now. He is at the point that he deson't see the point of going to a building to prove that he believes. So yeah I am at a loss, but as long as I keep going and taking the kids then maybe one day he will surprise me and go with us.

Logan right now is just being his fun loving self and aside from a few melt downs he is a happy loving boy who is giving no reason to worry, for the tiem being...that being said I am always ready for the next thing to happen.

I got a call from Hunter's pedeatrician yesterday and they are schedueling him for an MRI because the base of his spine from the ultrasound was not visable. I knew that was going to happen, but doesn't lessen the anxiety as they will have to sedate him to get it done. Not fun for a 2 month old, but at least we will know what the deal is and wether or not anything needs to be done.

I am a firm believer in NOT having the kids sleep in Sean's and my bed. It is our place where the kids are not allowed to intrude upon. Michaela was never in bed with us even when she was first born. Logan slept in bed with me (while Sean slept on the couch) for the first week as he had jaundice and that was it. After he was jaundice free he was in his own bed and has been ever since. Now we come to Hunter, because I was really sore after this c-section, he slept in bed with me (Sean was again on the couch) for the first week and ever since I have been paying for it. He has been really hard to get to sleep after his nighttimes feeds. The last couple of nights I have been up with him for at least an hour after he eats while he fusses. I would finally get him to sleep, I would go to put him in his crib and just as I was settling back into bed he would start fussing again. Sometimes all it would take was putting his soother back in his mouth rock him in the crib and that would do it. Lately he as gotten me out of bed 3-4 times after each feeding (and lately he has been getting up 3 times a night). At this point I am so frustrated that I give up and bring him into bed with me and what do you know he falls right asleep. Yet if I was to move he wakes up and it all starts over again.
Lately, he hasn't just been fussy at night, he has been fussy all day too. Nothing I do seems to make him feel any better, or for that matter me. This last week has been hard on me. I hope that both Hunter and I make it thru and get some sleep.

Random Stuff

1. Hunter had his ultra sound yesterday and I won't have the results until I hear from my doctor which I hope will be in the week.
2. I heard about the offer that I put in for the consignment store and I am number 2 on the list so if anything happens with the offer that she choose then it will go to me. But I am thinking that I want to open a comsignment store regardless of the way it goes. If it happens to be Cater Tot then great if not then I will look into opening one up on my own.
3. I have this pet peeve that rears its ugly head every once in awhile. It's nothing really major but it really bugs me none the less. I REALLY HATE mouth noises. Doesn't matter who's making them people or dogs. It's like nails on a chalkboard to me. I could be sound asleep and the dogs will start licking or doing whatever it is they do with their mouths and it will jerk me right out of a sound sleep.
4. Another pet peeve is the fact that I am a loud swallower. Have been all my life. Don't know why and don't know why it doesn't seem to happen all the time.
5. As all mothers know, when you have a newborn you are up at least once during the night to feed a hungry baby. I am no different and I have been watching some late night TV each time I am up. Sometimes it happens to be an infomercial (as long as it is a good one). When I can't find a good one I watch stupid TV shows like "Married..with children" (when you're tired it seems that you will watch almost anything). But even during the wee hours of the morning I can' help but wonder "what in the world is someone like the Darcy's - who are well off, doing living in the same naighbourhood as the Bundy's- who are white trailer trash without the trailer?" I know, that's what lack of sleep will do to a person.
6. We decided to put a TV in Logan's room in the hopes that it will give us some time to ourselves and time when we don't have to watch "Treehouse". I was amazed to discover that by doing so we have drastically decreased the time that the kids spend in front of the TV. They play more upstairs (sometimes the TV is on, but they aren't watching it.) Who knew?

I got the go ahead

Well the doctor has given me the go ahead to start some light exercises until I get stronger to run like I used to. So for now it's all about walking and light pilates. I hope that it doesn't take too long to get back to the place that I was before I got pregnant. Sean has promised me that if I get to where I like myself.(fit and strong) then he will take me on a trip next year. So I am looking forward to that. It just means that I have some work to do. I have given myself a goal of 40 lbs (but if I get the strength that I used to have before that weight goal then I will be happy). I used to be able to wrestle with Sean and not feel the pain that I feel now.
So I have an appointment with my family doctor to get help with my eating habits/diet plan. I have also become interested in the Turbo Jam program (I found it during one of my many nights while I was up nursing Hunter). I think that I may actually buy this system when I get stronger. If you have heard of this program use any other that focus on the core area let me know as that is the area that I need to focus most of my attention. It is lacking from the 3 c-sections that I have undergone in the last 4 years.